8th of July 2021. I will forever remember that date for all the wrong reasons. It was the day I was struck down by a virus and as a result, lost two major senses instantly: hearing in my left ear and my entire balance system. I never thought about my balance until it was gone. In its absence, it was impossible to sit against the wall without falling to the side, let alone walk. So when the 8th of July rolls around again, I am deeply affected. Let’s unpack why a health trauma anniversary can be difficult for those grieving or are still grieving their significant loss.
Beyond a single day
As my health trauma anniversary approaches, often weeks or even months in advance, I become keenly aware of its impending arrival. The anxiety surrounding this date begins early and lingers in my mind. Referred to as the "anniversary effect," this phenomenon manifests as a resurgence of symptoms associated with the initial trauma.
Symptoms such as insomnia, chronic fatigue, anxiety, depression, and panic attacks may surface during this period. The anniversary serves as a reminder of the traumatic event, triggering a revisitation of the emotions and sensations experienced during that challenging time.
To mitigate the emotional impact of the anniversary blues, I try to stay engaged and occupied leading up to the date. Planning activities, preferably with a trusted companion, can provide distraction and emotional support during this sensitive time. It's important not to pathologize these feelings as indicative of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) unless clinically diagnosed, and instead, approach them with understanding and self-compassion.
With time, the anniversary will eventually become less burdensome, evolving into a day like any other.
From temporary to new norm
Initially, coping with a health trauma may feel like a temporary disruption—an unexpected detour from normal life. However, with each passing year, what once seemed temporary like a new disability, may solidify into a new normal. Adaptations and accommodations become woven into daily routines, transforming an exception into a lifestyle. The anniversary marks not just a milestone, but a recognition that this could be the path forward, perhaps indefinitely.
Acceptance of a situation perceived as transient differs markedly from embracing an enduring circumstance. While you may have initially coped with the belief that your plight was temporary, the anniversary of a health trauma forces a confrontation with its permanent reality. This formal demarcation requires a renewed effort towards accepting a less-than-ideal state within a “forever” context, that this life is here to stay.
Confronting the permanency of a health trauma often reignites the grief cycle—emotions like anger, bargaining, and sadness resurface as you adjust to your long-term reality. You may need to navigate through these grief stages again to reach a renewed acceptance.
Amplifying Suffering Through Time
Long-term health challenges can amplify the sense of suffering. I am reminded of a modern parable circulating on the internet. A teacher asks a student to hold up a glass of water and queries whether it is heavy. As time progresses, the once light cup of water grows increasingly burdensome, feeling like lead in the student's hand.
Living with a chronic illness affects not only our physical well-being but also our mental and emotional states. Reflecting on your life and contemplating suffering endured for a week versus over a decade distinctly influences your internal narratives. The long-term narrative can lead to self-pity as you navigate through years of treatments, adaptations, and setbacks.
In considering chronic illness over time, it is essential to reevaluate its impact through a lens of personal growth and resilience. Rather than viewing the passage of time solely as a collection of accumulated suffering, it can be more constructive to perceive it as the means for transformation. Only adversity and ongoing challenges can cultivate resilience, empathy, and personal growth. This shift in perspective encourages individuals to recognise their journey as a testament to their character development, fostering a sense of purpose while living with a chronic illness.
Dwindling support network
In the aftermath of a health trauma, society’s attention and support peak initially, only to wane over time. As anniversaries come and go, the surrounding support network may diminish. Friends and family may assume that with time, the impact lessens or that you have adapted sufficiently. Yet, you may still require ongoing understanding and support, regardless of how much time has passed.
On my health trauma anniversary, I was discharged from the hospital rehabilitation program, marking a period where further physical improvement was deemed improbable. Feeling like a baby bird that got prematurely pushed from my nest, I had to adjust to a life without medical assistance. Through perseverance, I learned to navigate my new reality independently. I learnt to fly.
Independence, though initially daunting, is a valuable gift to appreciate. The diminishing support network necessitates an independence we may not feel prepared for, but it catalyses our personal growth. When our loneliness transitions from sadness to tranquillity, we discover self-sufficiency.
Growth is painful and if the suffering is too much to bear, you can always check in with your support network. Your support network has not vanished, rather it has transformed, lying dormant, ready to be revitalised if needed. You just need to reach out and let them know.
Evaluation of progress
Health trauma anniversaries prompt a point in time to evaluate our progress, often revealing our self-critical nature when making the assessment. Despite the passage of time, achieving full acceptance of a challenging situation remains elusive for many. It’s okay to acknowledge that some wounds never fully heal, and some adjustments never quite feel comfortable. The journey towards acceptance is nonlinear, marked by moments of resilience and defeat interchangeably. Healing is a process, not a destination and it's okay if we never “get there”.